Elation

The foster placement team called me on Thursday:
“We have a baby that we need placement for today. She is 2 days old, healthy, and ready to leave the hospital.”

I instantly declined:
“Thank you for contacting us [my husband and I] but without the strong possibility of the potential to adopt the baby, I have to decline. I have to protect my emotions; plus I can’t take off work until the baby is old enough to go into day care. Sorry.”

I make up every excuse to protect my emotions; the fear of bonding with a child and then having to give that child up after a long period of caring for them. But this time, something made me change my mind.

About 5 minutes after declining placement with the newborn baby, I called the team back to inquire about the details. I had been turning down placements left and right in an attempt to protect myself. I decided this time I needed to give it a chance. A tiny new baby that can’t go home to mommy is sitting in the hospital waiting for a home. And I had the privilege of being asked first if I wanted to care for her. This baby needs me right now and that’s what it’s really about.

So here we are on a cozy Sunday morning, 5 day old baby girl by my side; healthy and beautiful. I have fallen in love. Having never raised a newborn I am fairly surprised by how natural it feels. My hubby is helping tremendously, having raised 2 of his own already. I am on cloud 9! The elation I feel is indescribable; I guess only a mother (or father) can really know this feeling.

Sure I am completely vulnerable, but I keep reminding myself to stay in the moment; to relish in the care and nurturing I get to give her today and that every bit of love is helping her to develop a healthy sense of trust.

The ultimate goal of the Department of Family Services (DFS) is reunification with the biological family, if possible. In this case she is with us because they have not found family who will take her, yet. She could be with us for a few more days, weeks, or months. There is really no guarantee. As a professional, I am ready to take on the responsibility of working with the birth mother in an attempt at reunifying her and her daughter. I am her foster mother, but have to constantly remind myself that her biological mother is, most likely, missing her like crazy right now. Sure, I will be devastated when (or if) she leaves. But will have comfort in knowing I provided the nurturing and love that is crucial in these early days of development.

For now, I continue to sit on cloud 9, stay in the moment, and absorb the elation I feel caring for this tiny being. I love her. For today and for as long as I am blessed with having her in my care, she is fulfilling my dream of being a mommy.

As far as a sitter, I asked my step-kid’s mom, who stays home with her two toddlers, and she was ecstatic to take this on! I am so grateful to have her availability and feel 100% confident in leaving this baby with her. She will be going through the Non-Primary Caregiver licensing process, required by DFS for persons whom will be caring for children in protective custody on a regular basis.

Next week will be a busy week! First pediatrician appointment, visits with the case-worker, and possibly visits with mom. I am ready and enthusiastic about taking on this part of caring for a foster baby! My husband and I have been waiting for this experience and here we finally are!

It is refreshing to know that these long years of projecting our desire to care for a baby has proved worthy and has finally come to fruition; the months and months that the empty bassinet sat next to my bed as I envisioned a tiny person occupying the cozy space. She is finally here and she is everything I ever wanted.