We are still Making Babies Happen

It's been 2 years and 2 months since my last post and since we let our baby Birdie go. I never did see her again. After many broken play dates and calls of desperation to her mother without return, I stopped trying.

It took about 6 months of mourning; at church, crying at the sight of a baby girl laying in her mommy's lap in the row next to us, those random crying spells that seem to make no sense such as barely making it through a reading of the Cat in the Hat to my (then) 4 year old.

"And all we could do was to Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! And we did not like it, not one little bit," I read, wiping my face of tears and regaining my composure to move on to the next page.

I don't know how I go through that time. I was sure the pain would kill me. Daniel was with us at this point. We picked him up from his foster family two days after dropping Birdie off. I am in love with my son now, but can humbly admit that I was so distressed over having to give up Birdie that during Daniel's first few months with us, I had a hard time loving him like I loved Birdie.

We adopted Daniel in December of 2011 at the age of 14 months. He is officially ours and no one can take him from us! What a relieving feeling. Especially with the chaos we have endured and continue to endure with the permanency of our foster daughter, who is now 6 year old.

For privacy and legal reasons, I can't discuss the details because she is technically our foster daughter, even though I am her Mom and she is my daughter, my husband is her father, Daniel is her brother, and Caitlyn and Kirsten are her sisters. There is no "foster" in our titles. Her understanding of of foster mom and dad are right on, calling her biological mother and father her foster mom and dad, being that her biological parents have been temporary and we have been her constant. She has that part correct. Foster implies temporary.

I believe it is God's will for her to be with us permanently. She is with us for the 3rd time in the past 2.5 years and we have rearranged our lives to welcome her back into our home and our family every time. With persistent prayer and advocating for her best interest, she will be our adopted daughter. It is just a matter of time. And we will love her like crazy until then and forever more.

Daniel is an awesome blessing from above. Wow, what a treat he is!
Look at that face! And he is smart and funny, charming and polite (for a 2 year old). I know God blessed us with him for many reasons, but for sure to soften the blow of what we are going through to get our daughter.

Thanks to God for the joy He has brought to this family through our children; all four of them!

Foster 1st?!?! Then Adopt!

June 30, 2010

It has only been 6 months since we started exploring other options to growing our family and we are just weeks away from receiving our foster care license! What a unique and fulfilling experience this learning process has been. 10 weeks of remarkably thorough information on the foster care system and the tools needed to be a successful foster parent, and hopefully, adoptive parent.

We had explored foster care about 2 years ago. Having a background in Social Work and having worked with Child Protective Services, I was completely gung-ho about the idea, but my husband announced that he didn't want a "crack baby."

Moving into our 2nd year of an empty womb and my increasing distaste of fertility treatments and the "baby market," we began looking into adoption through the foster care system. Thanks to a book entitled You Can Adopt, by Susan Caughman and Isolde Motley, I diligently began researching adoption agencies. My findings were continuously discouraging.

Agencies wanted from $ 20,000 to $30,000 dollars for a baby, which did not include the $2,000 home study or medical and living expenses for the expectant birth mother. I was exploring how we would get that kind of money. Could my mom help? Could we have a fund raiser? And my animosity was growing the same way it did with IVF; why would we have to pay this ridiculous amount of money for something that comes so naturally to most women and should be priceless!? I was starting to wonder if I would end up childless.

In the book, there is a remarkable story about adoption through foster care entitled Fostering Love by Rosemary Schulman. I read this story to my husband and the idea was sold! He said "Well, we have to do that then!" A few weeks later we began the process and just 5 months after making the decision, are weeks away from possible placement with a child!