It took about 6 months of mourning; at church, crying at the sight of a baby girl laying in her mommy's lap in the row next to us, those random crying spells that seem to make no sense such as barely making it through a reading of the Cat in the Hat to my (then) 4 year old.
"And all we could do was to Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! And we did not like it, not one little bit," I read, wiping my face of tears and regaining my composure to move on to the next page.
I don't know how I go through that time. I was sure the pain would kill me. Daniel was with us at this point. We picked him up from his foster family two days after dropping Birdie off. I am in love with my son now, but can humbly admit that I was so distressed over having to give up Birdie that during Daniel's first few months with us, I had a hard time loving him like I loved Birdie.
We adopted Daniel in December of 2011 at the age of 14 months. He is officially ours and no one can take him from us! What a relieving feeling. Especially with the chaos we have endured and continue to endure with the permanency of our foster daughter, who is now 6 year old.
For privacy and legal reasons, I can't discuss the details because she is technically our foster daughter, even though I am her Mom and she is my daughter, my husband is her father, Daniel is her brother, and Caitlyn and Kirsten are her sisters. There is no "foster" in our titles. Her understanding of of foster mom and dad are right on, calling her biological mother and father her foster mom and dad, being that her biological parents have been temporary and we have been her constant. She has that part correct. Foster implies temporary.
I believe it is God's will for her to be with us permanently. She is with us for the 3rd time in the past 2.5 years and we have rearranged our lives to welcome her back into our home and our family every time. With persistent prayer and advocating for her best interest, she will be our adopted daughter. It is just a matter of time. And we will love her like crazy until then and forever more.
Daniel is an awesome blessing from above. Wow, what a treat he is!
Look at that face! And he is smart and funny, charming and polite (for a 2 year old). I know God blessed us with him for many reasons, but for sure to soften the blow of what we are going through to get our daughter.
Thanks to God for the joy He has brought to this family through our children; all four of them!
