My Dream Came True, if Only for 5 days

When you have a dream; an aspiration in life; something that you are passionate about with all of your being, you never REALLY know if that dream is truly what you always wanted until you actually get to experience it. You will always find people who say one thing or another is their passion whether it be music, teaching, dancing, etc. They take their passion and immerse themselves in it. It is the reason they live. They eat, sleep and breathe their passion. A common statement might be "It's why I get up in the morning!"

I always knew I wanted children and had a passion for protecting and nurturing them. At age 8, I adopted Leon Cyril from the Cabbage Patch. Within that same year Jenny and Erin came along from the Cabbage Patch as well. Every morning I would get them ready, change their diapers and take them to "school" which was conveniently located in the corner of my room. My babies were so realistic to me that one morning I woke up and Leon, who came to me bald, had white hair growing on his head! (Turned out the hair was just paint that had rubbed off of the wall.)

As a teenager I became keen to the problem of child abuse and neglect. I quickly developed a deep drive to save them. That's when I declared "I am going to save babies one day!"

While going through college as a Social Work major, I worked as a caregiver in the protective custody unit for abused and neglected children. On the clock I provided the nurturing, love and positive attention they deserved. Off the clock, I was helpless; just one of many temporary caregivers that came and went with very little control over their long term well-being. I formed bonds to many of the children in custody. It tore me up when my shift would end and I had to leave them. I wanted to take them all home where I could be sure they were provided with warm and consistent love and nurturing. But at that time in my life, foster parenting was not realistic.

When my husband and I decided to adopt through the foster care system due to my infertility, my life long passion for helping children was able to flourish. My dream of bringing children into my home to protect them and give them the full attention they deserve was going to come true! Yet that dream had been dormant for many years. Although I was excited about the prospect, all I could do was trust that this dream; this passion of mine was authentic; that THIS was what I was meant to do.

For the last 5 days, I was given the privilege of providing around the clock care to two precious toddlers. This priceless experience confirmed that I AM meant to do this! Every moment was the most fulfilling experience I think I have ever had! Feeding them, bathing them; caring for their every need. They made my dream come true.

Today they had to go back to their original foster family because we were only providing respite care. I miss them and am experiencing loss, for sure. These babies could potentially be up for adoption and my hope was to have them in our home as foster children. I found out that this will not happen. The higher ups think it is better for them to stay in the original foster home.

They were my first foster babies and I fell in love fast and hard!!! Maybe one day we will be together again, if they become available for adoption. Either way, they will always hold a special place in my heart as my first precious foster babies!

On Your Mark, Get Set, GO!

July 20, 2010

The excitement I feel today is like a kid before Christmas!!! I've spent the last couple of months wallowing in all that could go wrong and all of the negatives of the situation; an overwhelming ding in my personality. But now that we are days away from signing off for our license, I can't wait 'till we get that call!!! The call that will change our lives forever! I am sooooo ready for the rewards and challenges this experience of foster parenting will bring.

I am ALREADY a mom! Duh!

July 18, 2010

As the days get closer to being placed with our foster child, I am taking in the ever so momentous and fulfilling moments I have with my step-children. On my quest to be a mom, I realize that I am a mom and am counted on to teach and protect my step-children. As they venture into their tween years, and both being beautiful, incredibly smart girls, I realize I make a huge impact on who they become, whether I like it or not.

The tween years are crucial years of shaping and exploring who they are and who they will become. Going into 6th and 7th grade they are no longer protected by the fairly comfy elementary school environment. They will now be forced to rush to their lockers, exchanging a multitude of books, facing a multitude of hormonally challenged peers, and learning how to navigate the hustle and bustle of middle school. They have graduated from toys to texting, and friends over family. They care about what they look like and who likes them. Just like their peers, they are faced with hormonal challenges like acne and the menstrual cycle, not to mention emotional breakdowns, most notably when the phone is taken away!

Because they spend 50% of their time, or more, with their father and I, it is my responsibility to help their self-esteem flourish! I have a new found joy in teaching them how to take care of themselves: from their skin when they get zits and the importance of showering and deodorant, to boys, sex, and the dangers of drugs and alcohol. My openness and calm demeanor today about girl stuff and peer pressure have allowed them to come forth with these more superficial issues. I can only hope that they trust in me enough to accept my invitation to talk when the more critical issues arise.

I have grown to love my role as their step-mother and grown to love these precious and unique little ladies. I am constantly thankful to their mother who loves them dearly which has allowed me to just be that little extra safety for them. And thankful to their father, my awesome husband, who has always respected my step-mothering skills, which continue to be refined.

As we get closer to receiving our first foster child, I feel a new found confidence in motherhood.
From step-mother, to foster mother, to, one day, an adoptive mother, my journey to and through motherhood is becoming an extraordinary experience! I am so thankful to have a supportive husband and two beautiful step-daughters to support and share in my quest through motherhood! My desire has been to be a mother, and that desire is already being satisfied in the most uniquely fulfilling ways!