2 years Infertile-Is Adoption our Option?

January 30, 2010

Late December of 2008 I received an HSG (hysterosalpingogram), which is a procedure where a dye is inserted into the cervix flowing through the uterus, and if all goes well, smoothly through the fallopian tubes. My husband and I had been trying to conceive for 11 months and were told that many women get pregnant after this procedure due to the "flushing of debris" from the tubes, making the sperm and egg more likely to meet during the next cycle of ovulation.

March of 2009 came and went along with my confidence that THIS time we would get pregnant. I, very reluctantly, attended an infertility seminar that my husband signed us up for. My reluctance came from fear that I was now a statistic, being 32 years old at the time, and having hit the 12 month mark of trying on our own with no success.

With bitterness and denial, I went ahead and signed up for the free consultation the fertility clinic offered. Most of the tests were covered by our insurance, so I figured, why not.

2 weeks later, I was found to have fewer eggs "up to bat" then normal for a woman my age. All other tests came back normal, including the FSH (follicle-stimulating hormone) levels which tell us that my eggs are healthy. Husband's sperm has above normal count; (he already has 2 children from a previous marriage, so I wasn't surprised).

After the post-testing consultation with the most highly respected fertility doctor in our area, he could only assume that my fallopian tubes were being "lazy" and IVF (in vitro fertilization) is the only sure fire way to get me pregnant. (I had never heard this before and have yet to find any information on the net about "lazy fallopian tubes"). I SUNK in my chair; you know the feeling (if you have ever been through this) that this is not really happening; that he didn't just tell you that your only possibility of having a biological child would cost $13,000 per cycle and there is really only a 60% chance of it working! (Most woman have to go through the process more than once.) Don't get me wrong, he was very confident about the statistics and looking at MY test results, I had a "very good chance" of getting pregnant the first time.

After the news I quickly and desperately conveyed that I was opposed to IVF because of the cost; that we don't just "have" that kind of money! He said we may qualify for a study because of my age.

After the consult the doc takes us to another room where we meet with the financial advisor. This study, we learned, would save us about $1,000. Yes, $1,000 is a lot, but not much in comparison to the total amount!

Then another person comes in who is titled the IVF Specialist. She is sitting in front of us, about 7 months pregnant and the first thing that comes to my mind is "I know she got knocked up naturally!" After inquiring, she shared her infertility story with us saying after 5 IVFs she became pregnant with a daughter who is 4 years old and the gestating baby in her uterus was a "huge surprise." After explaining the IVF process with us, she then states that she cannot see any reason why we couldn't get pregnant on our own and to just have sex every other day from day 10-17 of my cycle. "Oh, is that all I have to do? THANKS!" (like I didn't already know this)!

Let me just say, anyone who has been through infertility issues and has any common sense has researched the myriad of information out there on how to conceive, taken their temperature, been aware of their cervical mucous, and used countless ovulation tests BEFORE going through the money sucking, time consuming experience of fertility testing.

......Frustration was getting me down! I decided, being only 32, I was going to give the "trying to conceive" a rest for the rest of 2009! And I secretly thought I could trick my own body into thinking I wasn't trying; wasn't thinking about it every 2 weeks after ovulation......and then maybe it would happen. Besides, everyone kept saying "just relax, don't think about it, it will happen." Is this REALLY possible when I am soooo body aware?

So here I am today, 2 years later, still no natural pregnancy, not much of a plan for IVF. Due to this economy my husband is out of work, we are living in a home that is worth 1/3rd of what I paid for it, and the circumstances just don't justify gambling to MAKE a baby. Morally it is a little selfish to TRY THAT HARD to make something that won't happen the old fashion way.

Which brings me to the Adoption Option. If we are going to spend that money anyway to build our family; to experience raising a child with my husband, it makes more sense in today's world to build a family with a child who's soul already exists, naturally! I would be thrilled to be naturally knocked up today! Scientifically, not so much. Adoption? It just makes more sense.

Disclaimer: My husband and I haven't made any decisions yet; these are just my thoughts on my experience. We are "trying" again because I have yet to give up complete hope that we may be able to conceive naturally. I have made some nutritional changes with much HOPE that this may be it.